The Quiet Healer Journal

Dating Violence: Then and Now

Fri, 14 Nov 2025 21:47:18 GMT

Nearly 30 years later, the statistics—and the silence—still haunt us.

The year was 1996 and I was a freshman in college. It was spring semester, and I was taking a journalism class. We were learning ins-and-outs of writing stories on a deadline for newspapers. We were also learning how to conduct research, ask hard questions, and collect quotes for daily newspapers, magazine articles and exposes. Our final for the class was to write a feature article or an expose on a topic we felt was important and timely. We had all semester to research our selected topic, conduct interviews, and collect supporting quotes and stats, and write it based on how we were learning to write regular assignments. For some reason, I chose to write about dating violence. I don’t remember exactly why I chose this subject, but I did. It felt important at the time. It’s still important today.

In 1996 young adults, particularly those between the ages of 18-24, were at a higher risk for dating violence. I learned that about 1 and 5 teenage girls experienced physical or sexual assaults at the hands of a guy they’d dated during high school. I also learned that 1 and 3 college women are raped before they graduated. During much of the 1990s, and the decades prior, victims didn’t file reports of such violence out of fear of more violence or the stigma that was attached to being a victim of such violence. Personally, I understood this at the time, because ironically enough, in 1996 I was already part of these statistics. During my junior year of high school, I had been in an abusive relationship with a guy who was manipulative, emotionally abusive and tried to coerce me into having sex with him on several occasions. After declining him repeatedly, he and a few of his friends, shot out the front picture window of my parent’s house. It was clearly a message for me, and my parents didn’t like it. I remember not wanting my parents to call the police and was reluctant to provide much information to them for the report. I was scared my now ex-boyfriend would try to actually kill or have kids in school know what happened because I said no. It was a very scary time in my adolescent life. While the data on those affected by dating violence was still being compiled in 1996, it’s safe to say that the psychological ramifications ran deep.

In revisiting this topic in 2025 a lot has changed, but a lot has remained the same. Young adults between the ages of 18-24 are still at the highest risk for dating violence. In 2024 statistics indicated that 1 and 4 college women are raped. About 1 and 3 adolescents experiences physical or sexual abuse at the hands of the person she or he is dating before graduating high school. Of those who reported abuse, 50% indicate that there is emotional abuse throughout the course of the relationship in addition to any sexual or physical violence they’ve experienced. Data now shows the psychological consequences of dating violence. Some of the psychological stresses of dating violence include depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and substance abuse. These can occur during the dating relationship or after the victim (or abuser) has ended the relationship.

What’s important to note is that dating violence, like domestic violence, is cyclical. The patterns of dating violence and domestic violence mirror each other. The cycles for domestic violence and dating violence are:

1. Tension building

2. An incident which leads to violence

3. Reconciliation

4. Calm

Those who experience violence and abuse during their relationships during adolescence are likely to find themselves in domestically violent marriages or long-term relationships. This cycle becomes a “normal” part of life for them. It’s also very difficult to leave once they’ve had enough.

One chilling statistic that hasn’t changed is this: a woman will leave seven times before she actually leaves or is killed in the process of leaving. It’s scary that after almost 30 years, this is the one statistic that hasn’t changed. Why? Because this is the point in the relationship when the abuser has lost control of the situation and will do anything, including murder, to ensure the victim doesn’t leave the relationship. While this statistic is often correlated to domestically violent relationships, it applies to violent dating relationships as well. With all the awareness and resources available to victims of domestic and dating violence, the one thing that is truly lacking is the support in leaving safely. Many states have implemented safety protocols for women leaving dangerous relationships and have even put laws in place. Sometimes it’s just not enough.

It’s very easy to get into an abusive relationship, but extremely hard to get out of one. If you, or someone you love is experiencing dating violence or is in a dangerous relationship and need help getting out call the Domestic Abuse Hotline : 1-800-799-7233 or text “START” to 88788; or visit helpingsurvivors.org for information on your rights after sexual abuse or a sexual assault.

Behind Closed Doors: The Truth About Domestic Violence

Fri, 31 Oct 2025 21:40:15 GMT

It’s not always visible—but it’s always real

What I’m about to say might ruffle some feathers and get under people’s skin, but it’s also personal. Every year we hear about turning October pink in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness month. I’m not against this in any way. However, October is also Domestic Violence Awareness month (DVAM). It sucks that both Breast Cancer Awareness month and Domestic Violence Awareness month are during the month of October. I mean why not make Domestic Violence Awareness month August or even February? In any case, as a survivor of domestic violence, acknowledging Domestic Violence Awareness month is personal for me.

Growing up I was always told, if a man (guy) hits you, you leave. My stepdad drilled that into the heads of my sisters and me as teenagers when we started dating. As a teenager and a young woman, I declared that if a guy ever hit me I’d leave. What I’ve learned is that it’s very easy to make these declarations, especially when the physical aspect is the only aspect many people associate with domestic violence. The physical aspect is the scariest, and most recognizable aspect. This is because physical abuse leaves proof; it leaves bruises, scars, blood. However, domestic violence is a layered issue. It isn’t all about screaming and hitting. It’s often sneaky and starts off subtle. And before you know it, you’re asking yourself: how the fuck did I end up here? I know, I lived this.

Most violent relationships do not start out violent. Domestic abuse can start off sneaky. In fact, nine out of ten times it just gradually happens. For me, it started with small slights, backhanded comments and compliments, and gaslighting. These tactics were used to make me doubt myself, my sanity and my reality. Then came the isolation – or at least his attempt at it – and his need to be in control. He’d often use the threat of physical violence when I didn’t comply with his demands. This went on for several years, and at one point I was ready to leave, and in fact was getting ready to leave. Then I found out I was pregnant.

From there it just got worse. For 10 years I endured the mental, sexual, emotional, financial, and yes, physical abuse of a scary and toxic relationship. Of course, being in this situation was stressful, it was also a rollercoaster ride of emotions. There wasn’t just fear, there was anxiety, anger, moments of joy and love, and a lot of frustration. It was difficult to manage my personal relationships and maintain a calm, “everything is fine” persona while at work and in public. It was a tightrope act of epic proportions, and it got exhausting. When I finally made the decision to leave it got scarier. Remember I never thought I’d be in this situation to begin with and now getting out of it wasn’t going to be easy.

The thought of leaving my now ex-husband was terrifying. His behavior was unpredictable and disorienting. And it was getting worse and more unsafe as our son approached middle school age. This only added to the laundry list of reasons I needed to leave. I knew that I needed to get my son and I out of the situation safely. I was also aware that leaving wasn’t going to be easy. According to the National Domestic Abuse Hotline, 75% of domestic-abuse related homicides occur after the victim has left or is in the process of leaving. Knowing this information and also knowing I couldn’t stay in the situation, made leaving safely both necessary and complex. It wasn’t as simple as just leaving. I was in the process of creating a plan to leave. I was working and coordinating with friends, and coworkers to get my son and I out safely and to a place where my husband at the time couldn’t find us. Well, either the plan was not safe enough or I was not implementing it fast enough, because God had to step in.

In the early morning hours on April 10, 2018, my now ex-husband came home from a long night out doing whatever it was he was doing (drugs, alcohol, etc.), woke my son and I up and proceeded to rant about what a horrible person I was, what a horrible mother I was and threatened to kill me. He said that, with our son sitting right next to me. My son tried to run and call the police but was unable to because his father had made it difficult to leave the room we were in – we were trapped. We were forced to listen to him rant for at least 3 hours, and then I had to go to work, and my son had to go to school on no sleep. At 8:30am on April 10 ^th my now ex-husband called me at work and threatened to take our son out of school and possibly never come home. When I hung up from that conversation, I grabbed my purse, walked up to two of my coworkers and said I’ll be back, left the office and drove to the courthouse and filed for a restraining order. I was granted a Refrain From or “Anti-harassment” order that only covered me. According to the judge, there wasn’t sufficient evidence that my son needed to be protected as well. That same day I started researching divorce attorneys and then two days later walked into the office of Kate Ryan. Thanks to Kate’s familiarity and understanding of domestic abuse cases, and my very simple goals – I just wanted to be divorced and to have full custody of my son – she guided me through one of the fastest divorces in 2018 for the state of New York. My divorce paperwork was officially filed on October 2, 2018, and my divorce decree was signed on December 18, 2018, and filed with the courts on January 2, 2019. It was the best Christmas present ever!

I share my story because it was a humbling experience. I no longer look at the question, “why don’t you just leave?” the same. I know how complicated the answer to that question can be. If you find yourself trying to help a friend or loved one to leave a dangerous and abusive relationship, don’t ask this question. Instead ask, “is there anything I can do to help?” or “what do you need from me?” These are far more compassionate than, “why don’t you just leave”? If you find yourself in an abusive relationship and need to leave, there are resources available to you. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a great first start and you can look into organizations in your area for in person and safety assistance.

Last Night Was Terrifying

Tue, 26 Aug 2025 21:37:38 GMT

I Got Pushed Out of My Comfort Zone…For a Good Reason

As a quiet introvert the thought of speaking in front of people is nerve racking and terrifying. My anxiety runs high when it comes to public speaking. I have to psych myself up every time I conduct the two presentations I hold every month. So, every time I’ve been asked if I do group readings, I say no. But, over the past few years several of my friends (who are also mediums) have told me that I’ll be doing group readings. To which they receive the “doe in the headlights” look and I remind them I don’t do group readings, to which they just smile. Apparently, the Universe didn’t like my response either, laughed at me and lead me to a mentor that would soon push me out of this particular comfort zone.

I joined the Rock ‘N Soul Tarot class on August 7, 2024. Little did I know that by joining this class, I’d be facing my aversion to group readings head on. When I first arrived, I was nervous and felt out of place, but I was quickly put at ease by my fellow classmates and the teacher, Brian Orlando. Now, Brian isn’t your typical tarot teacher. When you first encounter him, he seems like just a regular guy who likes to talk about music. Since he’s the morning show DJ for the local rock station, this makes sense. He also has a heart of gold and a spiritual side. His teaching method is also a tad unorthodox, but it works. And it provides people with a new way of looking at and interpreting tarot cards and stories they are trying to tell us. The class was lively and fun. I enjoyed this first class so much, I kept coming back.

In early 2025 Brian shared with us that he was writing a book about tarot. We were all excited and happy for him and often inquired as to his progress. Once he announced he’d found a publisher for his book a definitive timeline for the book’s release came into being. Rock ‘N Soul Tarot, Interpreting the Cards Through the Universal Language of Music , was to debut on August 6, 2025. Brian wanted to celebrate the launch of his book by giving back. So, he planned a fundraiser for a local charity, Angela’s House, an organization that helps medically fragile children and their families. He invited all of us to read at the event, and we all said yes! About two months later, not only had I agreed to read tarot cards at this event; I had also agreed to do a group reading! It was one of those “just say yes” moments in my life that came with mixed feelings afterward. There were many times leading up to the book launch where I’d questioned my choice in saying yes, had extreme moments of imposter syndrome and wondered if I’d lost my mind. However, thanks to lots of encouragement, I pushed passed all the noise in my head and prepared for the event with grace and fortitude.

On August 6, 2025, Rock ‘N Soul Tarot the book was officially launched, and I was pushed (okay, gently nudged) out of my public speaking comfort zone. I confidently read one-on-one during the event with ease and grace. However, as time grew near for me to be on stage I started to feel my heart palpitate and my chest tighten… it was like the Eminem song:

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti

He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready

and then I was on stage standing being introduced to the crowd by Brian. My legs were shaking, and I thought they were going to give out on me. My hands were super sweaty, and I was praying I wasn’t as red as a Bing cherry. What transpired once I was handed the mic is a bit of a blur. I remember talking about how I landed in Brian’s class, a bit about my background as Medium in general, and then let spirit come through. I felt nervous and terrified while doing this first group reading (I wanted to do a good job for Brian and Angela’s House) and help the people who had come out to celebrate Rock ‘N Soul Tarot. I had a bit of a shaky start. Messages were coming through but getting the audience members to connect with these messages was a momentary challenge. I don’t normally have this challenge when I read one-on-one, so here I was on stage completely doubting my abilities. It took about five minutes or so for someone to connect with the first message. From that point forward messages of hope and healing flowed through. There were tears of sadness, joy and hope. While there were moments that were awkward and somewhat uncomfortable, the messages continued to flow and be received by the audience. There were quite a few messages that didn’t resonate with people during the time I was on stage, and I was a little disheartened and felt like an imposter. However, once I was off the stage and my energy was in a calmer state many people came over to tell that certain messages did resonate with them, they just hadn’t realized it at the time. This was so validating and appreciated. For a few of these individuals I was able to elaborate on what was coming through even more.

At the end of the night all of my fellow classmates, Brian’s fiancé, Nicole and Brian gave me hugs and told me that I did a good job for my first group reading. And that I’ll get better every time I do one in the future. It was so great to get these hugs and validation from friends that have become family. I’m truly grateful for this night and everything that led up to it. It’s just another reminder that stepping out my comfort zone can be a rewarding experience. When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone? Was it worth it? Let me know at thequiethealer@outlook.com .

Just for Today I Will Not Anger

janice_tverberg@yahoo.com (Janice Tverberg) — Tue, 26 Aug 2025 12:57:34 GMT

Just for Today I Will Not Anger
And Choose Peace Instead

We all experience anger, sometimes it can get the better of us. Like when someone cuts us off in traffic, our kids refuse to listen, we get an upsetting email from our co-worker or boss. Any of things can turn us into screaming, seething lunatics and ruin our day – if we let it.

One of the five Reiki precepts is: Just for today I will not anger. On the surface this can confuse a person. How can one not experience anger? I mean most us are not monks living in quiet solitude on a mountain in the middle of nowhere. We’re going to get angry, it’s pretty unavoidable. As one digs deeper into understanding this statement, it becomes clear that this principle is deep because we all get angry, mad, frustrated, etc. – even the monks living on the mountain. However, if we let these emotions take hold and consume us, they rob of us our peace and happiness. Stop and think about that for a moment, how do you feel when you hold a grudge against someone or when you plot to “get even” with someone you feel has wronged you. Do you feel better? Who is it really hurting? What do you get out of it? Maybe you feel vindicated by “getting even” or perhaps by holding onto all the anger against another person for an extended amount of time, that person will finally see things your way, or maybe they’ll apologize or tell you that you’re right about whatever it is your holding against them. But in the long run all that anger you hold onto is just hurting you.

Recently Michael, my son and I took a day trip to upstate NY to go hiking. We had a fun time together. Then on the way back, we took a wrong turn of sorts. Michael left me (directionaly challenged) in charge of making sure we were following the GPS directions correctly. Everything was going fine until we had to make a pit stop for gas and such. Once we were ready to get back on the road we experienced some technical difficulties with getting his phone to sync back up with my car’s audio system. Then the directions got muddled and instead of taking the Hutchinson Parkway we ended up on the Cross Bronx Expressway. This situation upset Michael as he’s more familiar with the Hutchinson Parkway while I’m comfortable taking the Cross Bronx, so I wasn’t overly upset. That was until Michael expressed his frustration with the accidental detour. Had this mishap happened with my ex-husband, the experience would’ve have completely different. My ex would’ve yelled and carried on for the remainder of the car ride home. However, while Michael was angry and expressed his frustration through the tone of his voice, he didn’t let his anger get the better of him. Instead of yelling, cussing and screaming, we sat quietly taking deep breaths while the nice GPS lady got us to the Long Island Expressway.

This precept is not an easy one to grapple with. It’s a hard one because often times we want to get mad and hold a grudge or seek revenge against someone we feel has wronged us. We don’t want them to get away with what they did to us. We want to yell at our spouse/partner, kids or co-worker (signs of an extremely toxic work environment). We want them to know that we’re mad and they have something to do with it. Holding onto anger and our anger stories takes up valuable space in our energetic being. When we don’t let go of our anger we can become sick, tired and easily agitated. None of which are good for our physical or emotional health. It’s only when we let go of our anger that can we feel relief.

That is the one of the key lessons of this precept. When we can’t let go of our anger and we constantly retell the story of any particular thing, situation or person that has made us angry, we’re robbing ourselves of peace. Learning to let go of anger is important to our mental and emotional well-being. Just for today I will not anger doesn’t mean we don’t experience anger; it really means we don’t allow it to consume our thoughts and actions. Let’s say someone cuts you off in traffic. You can honk your horn, give them the middle finger salute and curse them for the remainder of your drive and let it ruin the remainder of your day. You can retell your story over and over to anyone who’ll listen and let your anger about this situation consume you, or you can experience the anger, take a few deep breaths, maybe put your favorite song on the radio and move on. One of these scenarios allows you to experience your anger and be at peace, the other doesn’t. If you’d like to learn more about how let go of your anger or share some of your techniques for letting go of anger, email me at thequiethealer@outlook.com.

Making Friends as an Adult

Thu, 14 Aug 2025 20:30:34 GMT

Rock ‘n Roll, Tarot and Me

Making friends as an introverted adult is hard! Now that my son is out of school and I’m a solopreneur going out and making new friends is overwhelming. Where do I even start? As an adult, making friends outside of work and my son’s school activities has been a challenge. This is partly because I feel socially awkward, but mostly because I’m an introvert with a multitude of interests ranging from several different genres of music and literature, an affinity for animals (especially cats), an eclectic taste in movies, and an open mind when it comes to spirituality and different religions. For me this translated into standing out, while blending in at the same time, a paradox I know. It’s not that I’m antisocial, it’s that I’m selectively social. Where does one go to find community and friendship with such a wide range of interests? For me…Rock ‘n Soul Tarot class.

I purchased my first tarot deck at an estate sale when I was 12 years old. It was mini traditional Rider-Waite deck. I remember thinking they were an awesome looking deck of playing cards and showed them to my aunt. When my aunt saw them, she was a little concerned and told me to be careful with them. She really didn’t have a clear explanation, just that they weren’t traditional playing cards that you can play rummy 10,000 or go fish with. This may be why it has taken so long for me to connect with tarot cards. Her words of concern and lack of explanation have contributed to my confusion surrounding tarot cards. I’ve been drawn to several different versions of tarot cards, have even purchased them, but when trying to use them – I found it easier to just go with my senses.

I joined the Rock ‘N Soul Tarot class at the encouragement of my friend Brian, who is also the teacher of the class. Before attending the Rock ‘N Soul tarot class I found connecting with and understanding tarot cards to be a tad challenging. I’ve always really wanted to understand tarot cards, but for some reason none of the decks I’ve purchased made any sense to me (and I don’t really need them to provide messages to others). Since I knew Brian, and he and I shared a lot of the same interests, and I was looking to try something new, I joined his tarot class to see if his method of teaching would help me understand tarot cards better. So far, it has.

As mentioned before, Brain is not your typical tarot card teacher. The first thing he tells students is to throw out the interpretation book that comes with the tarot deck. This is because all that book really does is confuse the heck out of people, readers and clients alike. Brian tells his students to look at the cards from a different lens. Many in fact: there’s the lens of music (specifically rock ‘n roll), our own personal life experiences, and the energy of our client. Tarot cards are not a “one size fits all” tool that will mean the same thing every time. Each card will mean something in every reading depending on the client and situation. He stresses and reiterates in every class that the cards are merely at $20 tool that helps the client better understand the messages coming through. I’m so thankful that I was nudged and encouraged to attend this class. It has helped me understand tarot cards more and incorporate them into my client readings when called to. I think not using tarot cards has cost me many clients over the years, but now I feel better about incorporating them into my readings as needed.

If you’re interested in learning how read tarot cards, or just want to make some interesting new friends, and live on Long Island, NY follow Brian on Instagram @Orlando0616 and join us on Wednesday evenings. If you’re not on Long Island, NY, checkout the book Rock ‘N Soul Tarot, Interpreting the Cards Through the Universal Language of Music .

The Livestream of Consciousness

mrzee1@aol.com (Michael Zinn) — Fri, 10 Feb 2023 11:46:16 GMT

TLOC

The Quiet Healer appears on The Livestream of Consciousness 570-677-6785

There’s No Such Thing as a Comfort Zone

janice_tverberg@yahoo.com (Janice Tverberg) — Sun, 19 Jun 2022 01:46:05 GMT

Learning to Step Outside the Familiar

Sometimes staying inside your comfort zone is dangerous. What?! How can it be dangerous to stay in your comfort zone, your space that is safe? Well, to be honest, just because it’s called a comfort zone doesn’t mean it’s comfortable. Sometimes a comfort zone is a scary, unpredictable place to dwell, but it’s familiar, so we stay. It’s easier to stay marking time in your current situation because you’ve learned to navigate and maneuver the twists and turns of your so called “comfort zone.” You don’t leave because the thought of leaving is actually more terrifying than staying. However, leaving your comfort zone might be exactly what you need to do to reclaim your peace of mind and live a happier life.

As humans we tend to take comfort in our mundane, predictable routines. Change isn’t usually welcome unless we invite it in. This can be hard. Change, or the thought of change, can be downright nerve racking. Like me, you may have found (or find) yourself taking refuge and solace in abusive or unhappy relationships; miserable or toxic work environments; lonely or unfulfilling friendships all because it’s easier than the alternative (whatever that may look like in your mind). However, these are the worst comfort zones ever! You might be asking why I’d define them as comfort zones? They’re nowhere near comfortable. You’re right, they’re not comfortable – they’re just familiar. When you’re in the thick of them everyday the routine they offer allows you to navigate your day without too much thought or effort. That’s what makes them comfortable.

I tend to be a stubborn human and it’s not always easy to get me to move out of my comfort zones – especially the dangerous ones. For some bizarre reason I feel the need to stay longer than I should, trying to make situations or relationships better. I don’t give up easily. So I know how scary it is to leave a comfort zone. There have been several occasions when I was forced out of my comfort zone, not because I wanted to leave, but because I had no choice…the Universe told me it was time to move forward, time to grow and time to discover the strength I didn’t think I had. The first several times the Universe forced me out of my comfort zone (outside of graduating from school), I was scared, confused, angry and upset. Really angry and upset. I didn’t understand why I was being tested and pushed to my breaking point. It felt like every time I was in a comfortable space, when everything was good and I thought I was going to be okay, the rug would be pulled out from under me. I’d have to get back up, dust myself off and start over. I felt alone! At times I honestly felt like Job. It felt like God hated me and left me to fend for myself, and yet I had faith. I kept taking one brave step forward, and then another, and another. It wasn’t until I started developing my divine gifts that I began to realize and understand the lessons I was being taught and how these lessons were helping me so that I can help others. This was a pivotal moment in my spiritual development. Once I began to understand this concept, everything else started to make sense. I’m here to help people get through challenging times in their lives and move forward with peace.

Forced growth can be a blessing disguised as what looks like a chaotic curse. More often than not we are forced out of our comfort zone by life altering events. Events like graduating high school; graduating from college; getting married; getting divorced; becoming a parent; experiencing a health crisis all shake us to our core and force us out of our comfort zone. Some are good, some are bad, either way they wake us up and get us moving in a new direction. For those who embrace and welcome change, these events are taken in stride. It’s just another new adventure for them to navigate. However, these events can have everyone else feeling a bit trepidatious. We don’t care how messy, scary, mundane, stagnant or peaceful our comfort zone may be…we don’t want to leave it!

When someone is trying to leave an abusive relationship, toxic work environment, recover from an eating disorder or a health crisis it can be overwhelming. People in these types of situations want to leave, but until something profound happens, they won’t. They’re afraid. Even though they know the situation is not healthy for them, not helping them and just bringing them grief, they’re afraid to leave. Sometimes this fear can be paralyzing. Taking that first step takes a tremendous amount of courage, grace and fortitude. Once that first step is taken, there’s no going back. When I work with someone trying to leave these types of situations not only do I come from a place of compassion, but also understanding. I understand how hard it can be to leave. I’ve been in their shoes; I understand what they’re going through, and I know how hard it is to leave. Not one of these situations is comfortable nor are they easy to leave.

If you’re feeling pushed out of your comfort zone and you don’t feel ready, remember, l ike Gabby Bernstein says The Universe has Your Back , and so do I. You’re not alone. If you feel like you need extra support with getting out of your comfort zone email me at: thequiethealer@outlook.com . I’ll help you through.

My Friend and Guide the Dragonfly

janice_tverberg@yahoo.com (Janice Tverberg) — Thu, 03 Feb 2022 01:29:23 GMT

The Encourager of Rapid Growth and Change

Dragonflies symbolize change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. They also signify new beginnings. These are just a few things I’ve noticed since a baby dragonfly landed on me in the summer of 2021. This encounter has also created a bit of an obsession with these beautiful creatures. Every time I see one, I know that spirit is providing me with guidance and validation.

The summer of 2021 was a pivotal one for me as a Reiki Master Teacher . It was the summer I took one of my big leaps of faith. I completed my training and officially became a Reiki Master Teacher in 2018. Since then, I had been searching for the ideal office location, at the best possible price, for my Reiki practice. While in search of this perfect space I was traveling to my clients locally as well as providing distance healing sessions to my out-of-state clients. This was working well, but then the pandemic hit. The pandemic had little effect on my distance healing clients, but it did impact my in-person clients, who were now more cautious about letting people into their homes. This was totally understandable, but frustrating just the same. Providing my Reiki services in-person became even more challenging. I needed an office location. I knew all too well that when it comes to manifesting, timing and patience is everything. I kept my thoughts and heart open to finding a space soon.

In late May of 2021 I saw a social media posting about a space for rent at a salon in Miller Place, NY. There were no pictures and no price was listed, just an announcement that there was room available for rent. I immediately replied to the post about renting the space. After a week of back-and-forth texting, I was finally able to schedule a time to see it. When my friend Tricia and I first looked at the space it was still under construction, so I had to visualize the potential this space offered. I had to see the possibilities. I felt both cautiously optimistic and elated at the same time. While I loved it, I wasn’t sure it was the space for me.

After seeing the space Tricia and I went to one of her favorite restaurants for drinks and appetizers. As I was contemplating renting the space a small, beautiful lilac dragonfly landed on my purse and stared right at me. It was mesmerizing. It had no fear. It just stared at me, and I just stared back in awe and excitement. I knew there was a message behind this little visit. I instinctively knew I needed to rent the space I had just seen. It was time to take the leap. Before we left the restaurant, I called the salon owner and let her know that I wanted the space.

Later that night I researched the spiritual meaning of dragonflies, and discovered that in addition to signifying change and transformation, they also signify swift action and intense focus. My little visitor had indeed inspired swift and transformative action in my being. That visit was not my only encounter, and over the course of that summer I’d see several dragonflies, and every encounter was magical. There were several occasions when I was walking or just out enjoying nature and suddenly I’d notice one, two or three at a time, as if by magic they had appeared out of thin air. It was amazing! Every time this happened, I’d be reminded of the growth I was experiencing, both physically and spiritually.

My favorite dragonfly encounters occurred when I dropped my son off at camp. As we walked to the drop off point I’d notice dragonflies resting still on the long grasses. I began taking pictures of my friends (much to my son’s chagrin). Ninety percent of the time the dragonflies would cooperate. They’d hold still for a minute or so and then fly away. However, one of my friends did something that made my heart smile. I was taking his picture and he started to lift off like he was going to fly away. But instead of flying away, he turned around so that I could take a picture of his face. I even got a little bit of a close up. It still makes me happy to think about that moment.

Being befriend by the dragonfly is an unexpected and magical spirit gift. Every time I see a dragonfly, in any form, I’m not only reminded that I’m in the midst of change and transformation, but also how more I can grow. What gift has spirit given you that has helped you grow?

Just for Today I Will Be Compassionate to Myself and All Others

janice_tverberg@yahoo.com (Janice Tverberg) — Tue, 02 Mar 2021 00:42:02 GMT

Just for Today I Will Be Compassionate to Myself and All Others
And Choose to Heal the World

The Reiki precept: Just for today I will be compassionate to myself and all others is an interesting precept in that it can be both easy and hard at the same time. Being both compassionate to oneself and to all others can be a challenge for some. While some find it easier to be compassionate to themselves, but not necessarily to others, and for others the reverse is true. When I first started learning and contemplating this precept I discovered that it was not as easy as I thought it was going to be. In fact, I had to break this precept down into two parts so that I could merge them together into one.

Compassionate to Myself

I don’t know about you, but for me sometimes the hardest person to show compassion toward is myself. It is easier for me to be compassionate and empathic toward the people I don’t know. Why? Why is it so hard to show compassion to myself? This is the question I had to ask myself, and then I had to answer it. It’s not like my Reiki Master Teacher or any of my other spiritual/mediumship teachers had this answer for me. Nope, for this one, I was purely on my own. Discovering why showing compassion to myself can be a challenge has been one of the hardest things in my Reiki journey thus far. The only answers I could come up regarding my inability to show compassion toward myself are, it’s selfish, shameful, and I’m my own worst critic.

For me feeling shame and being my own worst critic are closely knitted together. While these two can stand independent of one another, for me shame would usually (9.5 out of 10 times) lead to my inner critic letting loose. When I tell you that no one is harder on me than me, I’m not kidding. A snide comment from a bully, a bad grade, well-meaning constructive criticism given by someone in authority would trip the shame wire and from there the inner critic would have a field day. These two working together lead to some pretty devastatingly bad choices in life: anorexia, abusive romantic relationships, suicidal thoughts, and others. Trying to separate from these two destructive forces hasn’t been easy, but some days are easier than others. Thanks to years of self-discovery, supportive friends and Reiki, shame and my inner critic are learning to keep their mouths shut. When they do rear their ugly heads, I take notice, however, I don’t give them absolute power anymore. So, imagine my surprise when this precept came up during Reiki training and my two worst enemies came out to play and their voice came out in full force and I started listening!

At the time I began studying Reiki and focusing on the precepts, I was also starting the arduous process on getting out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. I was processing a lot of abuse, primarily verbal. The constant barrage of hateful words – designed to try to get a rise out of me – were taking a toll on my psyche. While processing and compartmentalizing my abusive situation, I was feeling guilt, degradation and fear. I could feel the dastardly duo creeping in like a cat stalking a mouse. They were just waiting for right time to pounce. That magic moment came when this precept appeared.

Honestly, I was struggling with my self-esteem and felt horrible because I couldn’t save my marriage. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted and physically drained. While I didn’t know how I could possibly show myself compassion, I also understood that it was imperative that I did. Yes, I felt awful for ending my marriage and this feeling was compounded by the fact that my soon-to-be-ex husband knew I was feeling guilty, he knew that doing the right thing was killing me. So, when it came to time to contemplate, how I will be compassionate to myself, I cried. How could I possibly show compassion to myself with what I was doing? I was ending my marriage, feeling like a failure as a wife and mother, trying to keep my shit together in public, while falling apart in private and suddenly I’m supposed to show myself compassion?! Really? Who did I think I was to extend myself compassion?

For so many years I was less than nice to myself. It took a while for me to wrap my head around being compassionate to myself. This one was a bit of a toughie and it took a while. Allowing myself to give myself a break and remember that I’m human obviously didn’t come easy to me. It took a lot of encouragement from my closest friends before I really I cut myself a break. The first thing I did was cry. I allowed my normally stoic self to feel everything and the most compassionate thing I could do for myself at the time was cry. I mean ugly, sobbing, curled in the fetal position, cry. That release was key to me moving forward with being kinder and more compassionate to myself. While I’m still quite hard on myself, I put more effort into showing myself compassion, especially when times and situations are tough.

Compassion Towards Others

As the saying goes, you never know what someone is going through, so just be kind. With the rise of “look-at-me” narcissism and perpetual consumerism, it can be difficult to decipher who is truly extending compassion to their fellow humans, and who is doing it just for show. Extending compassion toward others is not exactly easy for some people, especially if they’re judging those in need of compassion. One reason for this may be that, for many individuals, they only associate the downtrodden as needing compassion, rather than humanity as a whole. In reality, everyone needs a little compassion.

For the most part, extending compassion toward others has generally been easier for me than extending it toward myself. I think the reason for this is because I’ve been through a lot in life and can quickly sympathize with what others are going through, and if it’s not a situation I’ve ever been in or had to deal with, I take the time to genuinely try to understand what the other person is going through. I do my best to let my friends and family know that no matter what I’m there for them. If that means I’m an ear to bend, a shoulder to cry on or someone they can trust will be there for them when the chips are down, that’s what I am. The same is true for my clients and colleagues.

The sick and elderly have a special place in my heart. One of my favorite classes growing up was history. I enjoyed history so much I minored in it as an undergrad. A lot of my love for history probably comes from the fact that several of my great-grandparents live well into their 90s, my favorite great-great-grandma lived to be a 104. She was sharp as a tack till the day she passed (rare, I know). When I was younger, and we’d attend family reunions, weddings or funerals I tended to feel like the odd-man-out when trying to hang out with people my age and could usually be found with one of my grandparents or other older more interesting family members. I was literally learning about history (things they don’t teach in class) from those who lived it first-hand. Those who are older than us should not be discarded simply because we’re too busy or whatever new excuse we can come up with to justify why we don’t have the time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you have to have a controlling mother come live with you, I’m just saying you that it’s important to check in on her and make sure her needs are being met correctly.

When I was two my father passed away from cancer. His passing left an almost unfillable void in my being. Sometimes it still hurts to think that if we had the technology we have now, back then, he may still be alive. While I know that he’s always with me in spirit, it still hurts at times. However, our family, like so many others, has lost more than one family member to cancer. When it comes to those battling cancer, I’m especially compassionate. I have no idea what they’re going through, all I know is that I’m compelled to help. Before I became a Reiki Master Teacher I’d participate in the Susan G. Komen Foundation walk in honor of my aunt who died from breast cancer and my best friend Gina who survived it. I still donate to cancer research in honor of my father. Since becoming a Reiki Master Teacher I’ve gotten involved with Mondays at Racine. This beautiful organization is helping people with cancer look and feel amazing. I’m so happy to be a part of an organization that truly understand that everyone wants to look and feel great, even when they’re sick. I can say that every time I do Reiki on people with cancer, I feel like I’m giving them strength to fight one more day. That is a wonderful blessing.

Extending compassion to the downtrodden is a bit more complex. I say this because I want to help, but I don’t always know how. Do I give money, donate clothes and goods, or do I just pray and send them Reiki? Honestly, it does depend on the situation. I’ve been that person who gives the homeless man in front the LIRR Starbucks a couple of dollars for a coffee (not safe, I know but my heart wants to help) and hopes that the money is actually used for coffee. I’ve been the person who makes sure she and her family donate their unwanted clothes to domestic abuse shelters and coats to a coat drive. Now, I understand that the money I’ve given and the clothes that have been donated don’t always go toward the intended purpose, but it makes me feel like I’ve done something to help.

Be it a shoulder to cry or lean on, an ear to bend, sharing my time or gifts, for me compassion to others is about extending help in some way. In what ways to you show compassion to yourself and others? Let me know in the comments or send me an email thequiethealer@gmail.com.

Just For Today I Will Do My Work Honestly

janice_tverberg@yahoo.com (Janice Tverberg) — Mon, 22 Feb 2021 11:00:04 GMT

Just For Today I Will Do My Work Honestly
And Operate From a Place of Integrity

Those of a certain generation are familiar with the phrase, “an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay.” This is a pretty straight forward idea and at its core it similar to the Reiki precept: just for today I will do my work honestly. But what does it mean to do your work honestly? When you compare the definitions of honesty and integrity you learn that honesty means that you don’t lie, cheat, steal, or otherwise deceive someone, whereas integrity means you’re internally consistent, are in adherence to a strict moral code thus considered incorruptible. So, while the word honestly is used, integrity is what I associate with this precept. You know, doing the right thing even though nobody is looking.

When I was in high school I was in the Junior Reserve Officers Training Corps (JROTC). For those who aren’t familiar, JROTC is similar to collegiate ROTC, but it’s geared toward high schoolers. During my four years in JROTC I learned a lot about integrity. Our retired Sergeants and Officers not only instilled confidence and provided training in leadership skills they also taught the importance of integrity. If you don’t display integrity, your team is less likely to trust you and they will not follow you into battle (or in our case the drill team competition floor). If your team doesn’t trust you, you will lose. So, what does this have to do with doing your work honestly? A lot! If your clients, subordinates, bosses, co-workers, interns, etc. don’t see or feel like you’re doing your work honestly, not only will they not trust you, but they also won’t want to work with you. On the flip side, you’ll notice that when you work from a place of integrity and those around you don’t, you don’t want to be around or work with them.

Like a majority of the working population, I’ve held several positions (some at the same time) where things just weren’t right. I had wonderful supervisors and lousy co-workers and vice versa. I’ve worked in industries where I was certain I was going to thrive, but that didn’t happen. In some cases, the Universe gave me what I wanted, just to show me that it wasn’t what I really wanted. In other cases, the Universe brought me to places that made no sense to me at the time but turned out to be just what I need at the time. However, these didn’t work out long-term either. I was just there to learn something for my future endeavors and once I learned whatever it was I needed to learn the Universe would let me know it was time for a change. This happened for decades. It seemed as though every time I felt like I was in the right working conditions, company, industry what have you, the Universe would open a window, throw me out and see if I had wings. It seemed like everywhere I went, I tended to feel out of place. I would like what I was doing, be liked by those I worked with and get along with everyone (for the most part), but I just didn’t belong. I felt like the Sesame Street song “one of these just doesn’t belong here.” It was frustrating to say the least. I really started to question what was wrong with me. I went into every position I took with an open mind and the willingness to do things right. I always worked hard to ensure that whatever I did was done correctly. When I made a mistake or did something wrong, I copped to it and corrected it quickly. I made it a point not to lie – I don’t have time to remember all the little details of a story when it’s easy and faster to just tell the truth. I felt like I was a great employee, so why couldn’t I find a place that was “just right” for a person of my skills and ethic?

When I stepped back to figure out what I was doing wrong, it turns out I wasn’t doing anything wrong. I was doing my work honestly, but something or someone else was not. My internal compass seems to naturally operate from a place of integrity and when something is off it lets me know and I have to act or get pushed, unwillingly, in a new direction. One of my strangest lessons in life has been to acknowledge that if I ignore something (anything) for an extended period of time, it doesn’t just go away. NO, the Universe likes to push me in new directions. Talk about making a person uncomfortable. But every direction I have gone in (sometimes kicking and screaming) has led me to beautiful places and situations.

The Universe nudged me into Reiki and now I no longer feel like a Sesame Street song. I found my calling, the service I’m supposed to be offering to the world. My purpose. I finally found the “perfect” job. For me, this precept addresses the need to be in alignment with your vocation or occupation in life. After years of trying to figure what I’d been doing wrong – it turns out I wasn’t doing a lot wrong, I just wasn’t in the right vocation – I finally I had my lightbulb moment. I’m no longer struggling with what it really means to do my work honestly. I’m happy to do my work and I do it with integrity. Do you struggle with doing your work honestly or do you have tips to share on how you work from a place of honesty and integrity? Let me know in the comments below.

Just for Today I Will Be Grateful for Everything

janice_tverberg@yahoo.com (Janice Tverberg) — Sat, 13 Feb 2021 15:04:07 GMT

Just for Today I Will Be Grateful for Everything
And Choose to Get Into the Flow

The Reiki precept: just for today I will be grateful for everything, sounds easy, but it can be a challenge. You might be wondering why being grateful might be challenging. A couple of reasons that come to mind are perspective and circumstance. The way one looks at their world has an influence on whether or not they feel they have anything in their life to be grateful for. For example, what I’m grateful for may not be what you’re grateful for, and what you’re grateful for might not be what your neighbor’s grateful for. However, we’re all grateful for something. Individuals trapped in an abusive situation, suffering from depression or anxiety, someone who feels oppressed might find it harder to find something to feel grateful for. Getting into and staying in the flow of gratitude is important, especially when life sucks.

When I first started focusing on this precept I was in an abusive marriage, I was having a hard time with one of my coworkers and I found myself in nightly battles with my son over homework. My good days were monotonous: wake up, go to work, deal with an unpleasant coworker, go home, make dinner, fight with son to do homework, go to bed. My bad days were similar to my good days, but with the added bonus of having to deal with Jekyll rather than Hyde when I got home from work. Needless to say, my circumstances at the time made it a bit difficult to be grateful for much more than the superficial (and even that was a challenge). As I continued to focus on this precept a shift took place. It was subtle at first, so subtle that when I actually noticed how in flow I was with being grateful, I was amazed. Let me tell you, it’s not easy to grateful for an abusive, a**hole of a now ex-husband or the crap he put me threw at the time. However, the more I was grateful for the friends and family that were helping me and for the lessons I was learning and the strength I was gaining through it all, the easier it became to be grateful for everything. Learning to be grateful for everything is not an easy lesson, in fact it’s downright hard!

Being grateful for the hard times is just as important as being grateful for the good times. Let’s be honest, it’s hard to be in the flow of gratitude when life’s circumstances have you feeling like you’re in a black hole. However, they’re a great way to start being in the flow of gratitude. The most trying and difficult times of our lives is when we should be the most grateful. Why, because once we get through the lessons, through the muck and mire, through the hell of it all, we emerge stronger, braver and more accepting of others’ trials and tribulations. When we can’t get past life’s circumstances it can be difficult to see what we have to be grateful for and sometimes the best we can come up with are half-assed answers like the beautiful weather, the birds singing, or our jobs that we dislike. These are acceptable answers. But when we get down to the nitty-gritty, these are, in many cases, superficial. When you’re grateful for the seemingly superficial things in life, you can become grateful for the truly important things in life. Not just the well-known important things like friends and family, a home, etc. When you’re really in the flow of gratitude your thankful everything. You’re thankful for the hard lessons that life throws at you that lead to something (or someone) beautiful, overcoming difficult circumstances that could’ve left you in a gutter on some random street in any town USA, learning and growing every day from everything life has given you – the good, the bad and the crazy – that’s truly being in flow with gratitude. Share some of the things you’re grateful for and how you get into the flow of gratitude.

Just for Today I Will Not Worry

Tue, 09 Feb 2021 00:30:01 GMT

And Choose Solutions Instead

Did you know that worrying about tomorrow robs you of today? Of the here and now? It often takes your focus away from the people and situations that need your immediate attention thus causing you to stress and worry more. As much as you think worrying is helping you solve your problems, like how you’re going to pay the bills, what to wear on that hot date this weekend, will the children grow up to be decent human beings 20 years from now, etc., it doesn’t. It steals your peace and joy and replaces it with sadness, anxiety and depression. Worrying is the worst pastime ever!

Now, I understand we all worry. I’m guilty of it myself. In fact, up until a couple of years ago, I think I was one of the all-time best worriers ever. If worrying were a competition, I’d be one of the world record holding champions. I was notorious for worrying about everything and everyone, even if the situation had nothing to do with me. Every stressful or life altering situation I found myself in, even happy ones, resulted in me fretting about all the possible outcomes, good, bad or otherwise. It was like playing a game of chess against myself. It was both agonizing and annoying. Worrying about everything only enhanced my feelings of depression, sadness, being trapped and alone. It wasn’t until I started my Reiki training and was asked to focus and contemplate on the precept: “just for today I will not worry” that I began to reflect on how much I truly was worrying and the affect this was having on my life.

This precept was, and at times still is, a hard pill to swallow. Worrying was my default setting in life. Now I was being asked to stop and take a good hard look at how worrying was affecting me and those around me. It was uncomfortable to do at first because I didn’t want to see how negative worrying is most of the time. I had to force my ego to step aside to really see how my worrying was a detriment to my well-being and how it was affecting those around me. I had to make a conscious effort to see the affects my worrying was having not only on my mental and physical health, but that of my son as well. Since my son is empathic, he picks up on the vibes and feelings being put out by others. So, when I worry, no matter how hard I try to put up a strong front, he’s one of the first people to ask me what’s wrong. And like his darling mother, or a dog with a bone, he doesn’t stop asking until he gets an answer.

Before I made the decision to end my marriage I worried about everything from how to keep up with paying all the bills, keeping up the appearance of normalcy and keeping me and my son safe. When I made the decision to end my marriage I had these same worries, plus figuring out an exit plan and dealing with perceived judgement from those around me. Once I began paying attention to how my behavior was affecting my son, I knew I had to stop worrying and obsessing, over all the “how can I?” and “what if” situations in life. I had to stop worrying about everything! This was not – and still can be challenging at times – something that came easy to me. It’s not really a concept that comes easily to a lot of people. Most of the time people don’t know they’re worrying, it’s just what they find themselves doing: bills, kids, work, current events! With so much to worry about, how does one stop worrying?

It’s not a cycle easily broken. I’m not going to be Pollyanna and tell you to take it one day at a time, or that you just need to focus on the positive of every situation. While these sentiments help, they really don’t stop you from worrying. The truth is, like I’ve said before, we all worry. Some of it is for good reason, most of it just induces unnecessary anxiety, stress and depression. The best way to stop worrying is to take a step back and ask yourself, “where is this getting me, where is this taking me and am I in quicksand?” If you’re not getting anywhere by worrying, then you need to stop, take a deep breath and ask a new question, “what can I do to change or solve my current situation?” Remember to contemplate on this one. Take the time to sit and think of the possible answers and opportunities to help you solve your concerns. It’s not magic, but unlike worrying, it helps get you moving forward to possible, viable solutions rather than a vicious cycle of “what if” or “but this, but that” which doesn’t take you any place you want to be. What are some of your best responses to, “What can I do to change or solve my problem?”

Does Distance Reiki Healing Really Work?

Tue, 29 Sep 2020 01:55:09 GMT

Eric, from Littleton, CO Shares His Thought About Distance Reiki

I get a lot of questions regarding distance Reiki and if it really works. Yes, it works. But don't take my word for it, watch as my client Eric talks about his distance Reiki session. To learn more about Reiki, distance healing or to book a session, email me at thequiethealer@outlook.com.

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: The Journey Continues II

janice_tverberg@yahoo.com (Janice Tverberg) — Tue, 29 Sep 2020 01:55:04 GMT

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: The Journey Continues II

Discovering I’m an Intuitive/Medium – Oh, That Makes Sense. Now What Do I Do?

janice_tverberg@yahoo.com (Janice Tverberg) — Tue, 29 Sep 2020 00:53:25 GMT

Discovering I’m an Intuitive/Medium – Oh, That Makes Sense. Now What Do I Do?

Discovering I’m an Intuitive/Medium – I Always Kinda Knew I Was Different, But Didn’t Know Why

Tue, 29 Sep 2020 00:06:56 GMT

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: The Journey Begins

janice_tverberg@yahoo.com (Janice Tverberg) — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 23:05:49 GMT

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: The Journey Begins

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: The Journey Continues I

janice_tverberg@yahoo.com (Janice Tverberg) — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 23:04:35 GMT

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: The Journey Continues I

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: When the Student is Ready the Teacher Will Appear

Mon, 28 Sep 2020 22:50:57 GMT

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: When the Student is Ready the Teacher Will Appear

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: Now a Teacher, Forever a Student

janice_tverberg@yahoo.com (Janice Tverberg) — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 20:43:17 GMT

Taking that first small, terrifying step of asking for the phone of the Reiki Master Teacher that everyone in class was talking about was the first step into my true future. Every step thereafter was easier. While I had encouraging friends, family, and mentors, I constantly questioned my choice to learn a healing modality and use my healing hands.

My Most Demanding Client

Wed, 23 Sep 2020 01:09:06 GMT

Suki is a gentle, loving soul. She is also still one of most my demanding clients and lets me know exactly what she wants and when she wants it.

Food and the Funhouse Mirror

Fri, 21 Aug 2020 10:27:37 GMT

My Journey with an Eating Disorder

My struggles with food began at the fragile age of thirteen. It’s the age when you’re officially a teenager, but not quite done with being a child. The age when your parents provide you with a little unsupervised freedom and independence. It’s the time when you discover how far your newly allowed independence will take you and how much you can get away with before you get in trouble. It’s a time when you start becoming self-aware and self-conscious. It’s also the time when friendships start to get complicated. With all of this change going on at one time, it’s easy to understand how one can easily become confused when starting to navigate one of the most trying periods in life.

I had just started middle school. I was struggling to navigate the overwhelm of having to get up earlier than before, managing the expectations of multiple teachers, the new and challenging homework load and keeping my friends from elementary school, and it wore on me. In addition to my new educational obligations, my home responsibilities changed. I was expected to start dinner, pick up around the house, make sure my siblings did their chores and homework, and somehow figure out how to get my homework started and finished. Adding insult to misery, I was starting to be bullied more than I had been previously. I was called ugly, strange and fat. This started to weigh heavily on me. I was depressed and I became suicidal. I felt I had no control over anything in my life. However, there was one thing I could control. My food intake.

I started to skip breakfast and eat very little for lunch. Since I was responsible for starting or making dinner it was easy to eat less of that too. Over time I would skip lunch as well. I didn’t have an eating disorder, not a diagnosable one anyway, just yet. I was struggling, but I started to turn a corner freshman year of high school. I was beginning to manage all of my responsibilities, friends and frenemies. I was in a good place mentally – for a split second.

The summer before my freshman year of high school I came across a pair of my mom’s old bellbottom jeans. I’d seen pictures of her wearing them when she was in high school. I took the liberty of trying them on, and they were a little tight. My mom saw me try them on, and I remember her exact words, “You know, if you drop a few pounds you’ll probably be able to fit them”. While I probably wasn’t overweight, those words stuck with me and tipped me over the edge. Before the end of my freshman year of high school, I was anorexic. By the time I graduated from high school I was eating less than one meal a day and using all the usual tactics to hide the fact that I wasn’t eating. Tricks like spending all my time in my room, at work, or sleeping to cover the fact that food was the enemy. While I think my parents might have had an inkling, they didn’t press too many buttons when it came to my eating. As long as they saw me eat something once a day, I was good.

Going away to college probably saved me from death by eating disorder. During my four years of college I was able to develop and cultivate friendships that helped me to work through a lot of my food issues. My friends who were aware of my disorder made sure that I ate more than once a day. By the time I graduated I was under the assumption that I had a good relationship with food. This was an incorrect assumption.

When I graduated from college I didn’t have a job lined up and I moved back home. This was not something I wanted to do but did anyway. Moving back home taught me a few things, I learned that I didn’t belong in Colorado. It isn’t that Colorado isn’t a nice place to live, but my personality is such that I don’t fit in or belong there. Another thing I learned is that my family dynamic was such that the stress and pressure I was feeling to get a job and move out was so intense that I began to resent my parents again. The most important thing I learned was that without my support system present and holding me accountable, it was very easy to slip back into not eating. While I wasn’t as bad as I had been during my adolescence, I was heading down that path again. I also learned that my direct interactions with others, or my physical environment were no longer primary factors when it came to my struggles with food and eating. While they still played a slight role, they weren’t the triggers they once were. Now it was I that was the primary trigger. I’d look in a full-length mirror and while everyone would see a pretty, slim young woman, I’d see a short, overweight lady who had no proper fitting clothes. Now, in addition to anorexia, I had developed body dysmorphia. This realization didn’t come overnight, in fact it wouldn’t come until almost a decade later.

After moving from Colorado to Pennsylvania and then to New York, I started falling into old patterns. I’d eat as little as possible, but enough to say I’d eaten. Unlike some with anorexia, I avoided the scale (still do) and would let my pants tell me if I’d gained weight or not. However, when I looked in my full-length mirror I noticed not only any bit of gained weight, but also anything I perceived as imperfect. I spent a lot of time crying behind closed doors, worrying about what others saw when they looked at me. My self-esteem was damn near non-existent and I didn’t know who I could talk to about everything I was feeling and dealing with. I was missing my support system and I was crumbling.

Every time I moved it was supposed to be a fresh start. In many ways each move was a fresh start location wise, but the invisible baggage was never actually unpacked. When I moved to New York, it was to be a fresh start with my boyfriend. It took a few years, but I got my fresh start. I had to do a lot of unpacking to get it. When I tell you I had to unpack, I don’t mean material things, I mean the emotional and psychological unpacking that I had refused to do in the past.

When I first started training in Karuna® Reiki I only wanted to look at certain parts of my shadow self. However, it doesn’t work that way. Karuna® requires you to face your entire shadow. For me that included owning up to the fact that even though I want to come off as healthy, healed and accepting of my body, I still struggle. Even now, I’ll look in the mirror and while it’s a regular mirror to everyone else, to me it’s a fun house mirror. I don’t always like what I see and sometimes I cry. I cry because I know that what’s appearing for me isn’t what others are seeing. I cry because I want to see what everyone else sees. And I cry because it’s a struggle to be positive on days when all you want to do is not deal with food, your body or the world.

While I have on several occasions admitted to my eating disorder and body dysmorphia, I never really did anything to get truly healthy until I trained to become Karuna ® Reiki Master Teacher. Karuna ® Reiki forces you to deal with your shadow self. It brings all the stuff you try to hide from the world out into the open where you can see it. You have to take a good, hard look at all that stuff, and you have to work through it. There’s no ignoring it, no looking past it, no pretending it doesn’t exist. It’s like spiritual therapy.

I use Karuna® Reiki as a way to help my clients work through their shadows, to help them see that everything they are trying to hide in the darkness is only hurting them. I assist them with casting light on the things they hide and help them to work through their struggles on an energetic and spiritual level. I provide my clients with a safe non-judgmental space to explore everything they’re hiding in the darkness. I help them to confront their issues and release their fears so that they can move forward. If you’re going through a tough time and would like help, please email me at thequiethealer@outlook.com. I’m here to help.

Lessons Learned From a House of Cards Relationship

janice_tverberg@yahoo.com (Janice Tverberg) — Wed, 19 Aug 2020 01:16:32 GMT

New Paragraph

The Quiet Healer Journal

Dating Violence: Then and Now

Behind Closed Doors: The Truth About Domestic Violence

Last Night Was Terrifying

Just for Today I Will Not Anger

Just for Today I Will Not Anger And Choose Peace Instead

Making Friends as an Adult

Rock ‘n Roll, Tarot and Me

The Livestream of Consciousness

TLOC

There’s No Such Thing as a Comfort Zone

Learning to Step Outside the Familiar

My Friend and Guide the Dragonfly

The Encourager of Rapid Growth and Change

Just for Today I Will Be Compassionate to Myself and All Others

Just for Today I Will Be Compassionate to Myself and All Others And Choose to Heal the World

Just For Today I Will Do My Work Honestly

Just For Today I Will Do My Work Honestly And Operate From a Place of Integrity

Just for Today I Will Be Grateful for Everything

Just for Today I Will Be Grateful for Everything And Choose to Get Into the Flow

Just for Today I Will Not Worry

And Choose Solutions Instead

Does Distance Reiki Healing Really Work?

Eric, from Littleton, CO Shares His Thought About Distance Reiki

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: The Journey Continues II

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: The Journey Continues II

Discovering I’m an Intuitive/Medium – Oh, That Makes Sense. Now What Do I Do?

Discovering I’m an Intuitive/Medium – Oh, That Makes Sense. Now What Do I Do?

Discovering I’m an Intuitive/Medium – I Always Kinda Knew I Was Different, But Didn’t Know Why

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: The Journey Begins

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: The Journey Begins

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: The Journey Continues I

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: The Journey Continues I

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: When the Student is Ready the Teacher Will Appear

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: When the Student is Ready the Teacher Will Appear

Becoming a Reiki Master Teacher: Now a Teacher, Forever a Student

My Most Demanding Client

Food and the Funhouse Mirror

My Journey with an Eating Disorder

Lessons Learned From a House of Cards Relationship

Just for Today I Will Not Anger
And Choose Peace Instead

Just for Today I Will Be Compassionate to Myself and All Others
And Choose to Heal the World

Just For Today I Will Do My Work Honestly
And Operate From a Place of Integrity

Just for Today I Will Be Grateful for Everything
And Choose to Get Into the Flow