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Just for Today I Will Be Compassionate to Myself and All Others
And Choose to Heal the World
The Reiki precept: Just for today I will be compassionate to myself and all others is an interesting precept in that it can be both easy and hard at the same time. Being both compassionate to oneself and to all others can be a challenge for some. While some find it easier to be compassionate to themselves, but not necessarily to others, and for others the reverse is true. When I first started learning and contemplating this precept I discovered that it was not as easy as I thought it was going to be. In fact, I had to break this precept down into two parts so that I could merge them together into one.
Compassionate to Myself
I don’t know about you, but for me sometimes the hardest person to show compassion toward is myself. It is easier for me to be compassionate and empathic toward the people I don’t know. Why? Why is it so hard to show compassion to myself? This is the question I had to ask myself, and then I had to answer it. It’s not like my Reiki Master Teacher or any of my other spiritual/mediumship teachers had this answer for me. Nope, for this one, I was purely on my own. Discovering why showing compassion to myself can be a challenge has been one of the hardest things in my Reiki journey thus far. The only answers I could come up regarding my inability to show compassion toward myself are, it’s selfish, shameful, and I’m my own worst critic.
For me feeling shame and being my own worst critic are closely knitted together. While these two can stand independent of one another, for me shame would usually (9.5 out of 10 times) lead to my inner critic letting loose. When I tell you that no one is harder on me than me, I’m not kidding. A snide comment from a bully, a bad grade, well-meaning constructive criticism given by someone in authority would trip the shame wire and from there the inner critic would have a field day. These two working together lead to some pretty devastatingly bad choices in life: anorexia, abusive romantic relationships, suicidal thoughts, and others. Trying to separate from these two destructive forces hasn’t been easy, but some days are easier than others. Thanks to years of self-discovery, supportive friends and Reiki, shame and my inner critic are learning to keep their mouths shut. When they do rear their ugly heads, I take notice, however, I don’t give them absolute power anymore. So, imagine my surprise when this precept came up during Reiki training and my two worst enemies came out to play and their voice came out in full force and I started listening!
At the time I began studying Reiki and focusing on the precepts, I was also starting the arduous process on getting out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. I was processing a lot of abuse, primarily verbal. The constant barrage of hateful words – designed to try to get a rise out of me – were taking a toll on my psyche. While processing and compartmentalizing my abusive situation, I was feeling guilt, degradation and fear. I could feel the dastardly duo creeping in like a cat stalking a mouse. They were just waiting for right time to pounce. That magic moment came when this precept appeared.
Honestly, I was struggling with my self-esteem and felt horrible because I couldn’t save my marriage. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted and physically drained. While I didn’t know how I could possibly show myself compassion, I also understood that it was imperative that I did. Yes, I felt awful for ending my marriage and this feeling was compounded by the fact that my soon-to-be-ex husband knew I was feeling guilty, he knew that doing the right thing was killing me. So, when it came to time to contemplate, how I will be compassionate to myself, I cried. How could I possibly show compassion to myself with what I was doing? I was ending my marriage, feeling like a failure as a wife and mother, trying to keep my shit together in public, while falling apart in private and suddenly I’m supposed to show myself compassion?! Really? Who did I think I was to extend myself compassion?
For so many years I was less than nice to myself. It took a while for me to wrap my head around being compassionate to myself. This one was a bit of a toughie and it took a while. Allowing myself to give myself a break and remember that I’m human obviously didn’t come easy to me. It took a lot of encouragement from my closest friends before I really I cut myself a break. The first thing I did was cry. I allowed my normally stoic self to feel everything and the most compassionate thing I could do for myself at the time was cry. I mean ugly, sobbing, curled in the fetal position, cry. That release was key to me moving forward with being kinder and more compassionate to myself. While I’m still quite hard on myself, I put more effort into showing myself compassion, especially when times and situations are tough.
Compassion Towards Others
As the saying goes, you never know what someone is going through, so just be kind. With the rise of “look-at-me” narcissism and perpetual consumerism, it can be difficult to decipher who is truly extending compassion to their fellow humans, and who is doing it just for show. Extending compassion toward others is not exactly easy for some people, especially if they’re judging those in need of compassion. One reason for this may be that, for many individuals, they only associate the downtrodden as needing compassion, rather than humanity as a whole. In reality, everyone needs a little compassion.
For the most part, extending compassion toward others has generally been easier for me than extending it toward myself. I think the reason for this is because I’ve been through a lot in life and can quickly sympathize with what others are going through, and if it’s not a situation I’ve ever been in or had to deal with, I take the time to genuinely try to understand what the other person is going through. I do my best to let my friends and family know that no matter what I’m there for them. If that means I’m an ear to bend, a shoulder to cry on or someone they can trust will be there for them when the chips are down, that’s what I am. The same is true for my clients and colleagues.
The sick and elderly have a special place in my heart. One of my favorite classes growing up was history. I enjoyed history so much I minored in it as an undergrad. A lot of my love for history probably comes from the fact that several of my great-grandparents live well into their 90s, my favorite great-great-grandma lived to be a 104. She was sharp as a tack till the day she passed (rare, I know). When I was younger, and we’d attend family reunions, weddings or funerals I tended to feel like the odd-man-out when trying to hang out with people my age and could usually be found with one of my grandparents or other older more interesting family members. I was literally learning about history (things they don’t teach in class) from those who lived it first-hand. Those who are older than us should not be discarded simply because we’re too busy or whatever new excuse we can come up with to justify why we don’t have the time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you have to have a controlling mother come live with you, I’m just saying you that it’s important to check in on her and make sure her needs are being met correctly.
When I was two my father passed away from cancer. His passing left an almost unfillable void in my being. Sometimes it still hurts to think that if we had the technology we have now, back then, he may still be alive. While I know that he’s always with me in spirit, it still hurts at times. However, our family, like so many others, has lost more than one family member to cancer. When it comes to those battling cancer, I’m especially compassionate. I have no idea what they’re going through, all I know is that I’m compelled to help. Before I became a Reiki Master Teacher I’d participate in the Susan G. Komen Foundation walk in honor of my aunt who died from breast cancer and my best friend Gina who survived it. I still donate to cancer research in honor of my father. Since becoming a Reiki Master Teacher I’ve gotten involved with Mondays at Racine. This beautiful organization is helping people with cancer look and feel amazing. I’m so happy to be a part of an organization that truly understand that everyone wants to look and feel great, even when they’re sick. I can say that every time I do Reiki on people with cancer, I feel like I’m giving them strength to fight one more day. That is a wonderful blessing.
Extending compassion to the downtrodden is a bit more complex. I say this because I want to help, but I don’t always know how. Do I give money, donate clothes and goods, or do I just pray and send them Reiki? Honestly, it does depend on the situation. I’ve been that person who gives the homeless man in front the LIRR Starbucks a couple of dollars for a coffee (not safe, I know but my heart wants to help) and hopes that the money is actually used for coffee. I’ve been the person who makes sure she and her family donate their unwanted clothes to domestic abuse shelters and coats to a coat drive. Now, I understand that the money I’ve given and the clothes that have been donated don’t always go toward the intended purpose, but it makes me feel like I’ve done something to help.
Be it a shoulder to cry or lean on, an ear to bend, sharing my time or gifts, for me compassion to others is about extending help in some way. In what ways to you show compassion to yourself and others? Let me know in the comments or send me an email thequiethealer@gmail.com.
Compassionate to Myself
I don’t know about you, but for me sometimes the hardest person to show compassion toward is myself. It is easier for me to be compassionate and empathic toward the people I don’t know. Why? Why is it so hard to show compassion to myself? This is the question I had to ask myself, and then I had to answer it. It’s not like my Reiki Master Teacher or any of my other spiritual/mediumship teachers had this answer for me. Nope, for this one, I was purely on my own. Discovering why showing compassion to myself can be a challenge has been one of the hardest things in my Reiki journey thus far. The only answers I could come up regarding my inability to show compassion toward myself are, it’s selfish, shameful, and I’m my own worst critic.
For me feeling shame and being my own worst critic are closely knitted together. While these two can stand independent of one another, for me shame would usually (9.5 out of 10 times) lead to my inner critic letting loose. When I tell you that no one is harder on me than me, I’m not kidding. A snide comment from a bully, a bad grade, well-meaning constructive criticism given by someone in authority would trip the shame wire and from there the inner critic would have a field day. These two working together lead to some pretty devastatingly bad choices in life: anorexia, abusive romantic relationships, suicidal thoughts, and others. Trying to separate from these two destructive forces hasn’t been easy, but some days are easier than others. Thanks to years of self-discovery, supportive friends and Reiki, shame and my inner critic are learning to keep their mouths shut. When they do rear their ugly heads, I take notice, however, I don’t give them absolute power anymore. So, imagine my surprise when this precept came up during Reiki training and my two worst enemies came out to play and their voice came out in full force and I started listening!
At the time I began studying Reiki and focusing on the precepts, I was also starting the arduous process on getting out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. I was processing a lot of abuse, primarily verbal. The constant barrage of hateful words – designed to try to get a rise out of me – were taking a toll on my psyche. While processing and compartmentalizing my abusive situation, I was feeling guilt, degradation and fear. I could feel the dastardly duo creeping in like a cat stalking a mouse. They were just waiting for right time to pounce. That magic moment came when this precept appeared.
Honestly, I was struggling with my self-esteem and felt horrible because I couldn’t save my marriage. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted and physically drained. While I didn’t know how I could possibly show myself compassion, I also understood that it was imperative that I did. Yes, I felt awful for ending my marriage and this feeling was compounded by the fact that my soon-to-be-ex husband knew I was feeling guilty, he knew that doing the right thing was killing me. So, when it came to time to contemplate, how I will be compassionate to myself, I cried. How could I possibly show compassion to myself with what I was doing? I was ending my marriage, feeling like a failure as a wife and mother, trying to keep my shit together in public, while falling apart in private and suddenly I’m supposed to show myself compassion?! Really? Who did I think I was to extend myself compassion?
For so many years I was less than nice to myself. It took a while for me to wrap my head around being compassionate to myself. This one was a bit of a toughie and it took a while. Allowing myself to give myself a break and remember that I’m human obviously didn’t come easy to me. It took a lot of encouragement from my closest friends before I really I cut myself a break. The first thing I did was cry. I allowed my normally stoic self to feel everything and the most compassionate thing I could do for myself at the time was cry. I mean ugly, sobbing, curled in the fetal position, cry. That release was key to me moving forward with being kinder and more compassionate to myself. While I’m still quite hard on myself, I put more effort into showing myself compassion, especially when times and situations are tough.
Compassion Towards Others
As the saying goes, you never know what someone is going through, so just be kind. With the rise of “look-at-me” narcissism and perpetual consumerism, it can be difficult to decipher who is truly extending compassion to their fellow humans, and who is doing it just for show. Extending compassion toward others is not exactly easy for some people, especially if they’re judging those in need of compassion. One reason for this may be that, for many individuals, they only associate the downtrodden as needing compassion, rather than humanity as a whole. In reality, everyone needs a little compassion.
For the most part, extending compassion toward others has generally been easier for me than extending it toward myself. I think the reason for this is because I’ve been through a lot in life and can quickly sympathize with what others are going through, and if it’s not a situation I’ve ever been in or had to deal with, I take the time to genuinely try to understand what the other person is going through. I do my best to let my friends and family know that no matter what I’m there for them. If that means I’m an ear to bend, a shoulder to cry on or someone they can trust will be there for them when the chips are down, that’s what I am. The same is true for my clients and colleagues.
The sick and elderly have a special place in my heart. One of my favorite classes growing up was history. I enjoyed history so much I minored in it as an undergrad. A lot of my love for history probably comes from the fact that several of my great-grandparents live well into their 90s, my favorite great-great-grandma lived to be a 104. She was sharp as a tack till the day she passed (rare, I know). When I was younger, and we’d attend family reunions, weddings or funerals I tended to feel like the odd-man-out when trying to hang out with people my age and could usually be found with one of my grandparents or other older more interesting family members. I was literally learning about history (things they don’t teach in class) from those who lived it first-hand. Those who are older than us should not be discarded simply because we’re too busy or whatever new excuse we can come up with to justify why we don’t have the time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you have to have a controlling mother come live with you, I’m just saying you that it’s important to check in on her and make sure her needs are being met correctly.
When I was two my father passed away from cancer. His passing left an almost unfillable void in my being. Sometimes it still hurts to think that if we had the technology we have now, back then, he may still be alive. While I know that he’s always with me in spirit, it still hurts at times. However, our family, like so many others, has lost more than one family member to cancer. When it comes to those battling cancer, I’m especially compassionate. I have no idea what they’re going through, all I know is that I’m compelled to help. Before I became a Reiki Master Teacher I’d participate in the Susan G. Komen Foundation walk in honor of my aunt who died from breast cancer and my best friend Gina who survived it. I still donate to cancer research in honor of my father. Since becoming a Reiki Master Teacher I’ve gotten involved with Mondays at Racine. This beautiful organization is helping people with cancer look and feel amazing. I’m so happy to be a part of an organization that truly understand that everyone wants to look and feel great, even when they’re sick. I can say that every time I do Reiki on people with cancer, I feel like I’m giving them strength to fight one more day. That is a wonderful blessing.
Extending compassion to the downtrodden is a bit more complex. I say this because I want to help, but I don’t always know how. Do I give money, donate clothes and goods, or do I just pray and send them Reiki? Honestly, it does depend on the situation. I’ve been that person who gives the homeless man in front the LIRR Starbucks a couple of dollars for a coffee (not safe, I know but my heart wants to help) and hopes that the money is actually used for coffee. I’ve been the person who makes sure she and her family donate their unwanted clothes to domestic abuse shelters and coats to a coat drive. Now, I understand that the money I’ve given and the clothes that have been donated don’t always go toward the intended purpose, but it makes me feel like I’ve done something to help.
Be it a shoulder to cry or lean on, an ear to bend, sharing my time or gifts, for me compassion to others is about extending help in some way. In what ways to you show compassion to yourself and others? Let me know in the comments or send me an email thequiethealer@gmail.com.
My guest appearance on The Livestream of Consciousness with Michael Zinn
When someone is trying to leave an abusive relationship, toxic work environment, recover from an eating disorder or a health crisis it can be overwhelming. People in these types of situations want to leave, but until something profound happens, they won’t.
Dragonflies symbolize change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. They also signify new beginnings.
The Universe nudged me into Reiki and now I no longer feel like a Sesame Street song.
You might be wondering why being grateful might be challenging. A couple of reasons that come to mind are perspective and circumstance. The way one looks at their world has an influence on whether or not they feel they have anything in their life to be grateful for. For example, what I’m grateful for may not be what you’re grateful for, and what you’re grateful for might not be what your neighbor’s grateful for. However, we’re all grateful for something. Individuals trapped in an abusive situation, suffering from depression or anxiety, someone who feels oppressed might find it harder to find something to feel grateful for. Getting into and staying in the flow of gratitude is important, especially when life sucks.
Did you know that worrying about tomorrow robs you of today? Of the here and now? It often takes your focus away from the people and situations that need your immediate attention thus causing you to stress and worry more. As much as you think worrying is helping you solve your problems, like how you’re going to pay the bills, what to wear on that hot date this weekend, will the children grow up to be decent human beings 20 years from now, etc., it doesn’t. It steals your peace and joy and replaces it with sadness, anxiety and depression. Worrying is the worst pastime ever!
We all experience anger, sometimes it can get the better of us. Like when someone cuts us off in traffic, our kids refuse to listen, we get an upsetting email from our co-worker or boss. Any of things can turn us into screaming, seething lunatics and ruin our day – if we let it.
Distance Reiki does work. Just ask my client Eric.
Receiving confirmation of my psychic gifts and learning how to use them.
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Contact info
(570) 677- 6785
thequiethealer@outlook.com
(570) 677- 6785
thequiethealer@outlook.com